cliodhna’s wave

I realized something yesterday. I will find the downside of everything I do. I make something or achieve something and then I will judge it against others or not being good enough and I will make it a failure.

Take threadless for example. I make t shirt designs for threadless and at the back of my mind I know I won’t win, I say I am not cool enough or I am too ‘girly’ for the mainly hip younger male crowd that seems to get designs printed. But the thing is I have good ideas I just don’t have the Photoshop skills to really make them shine and I find they improve slowly as I go. A part of me takes it personally when I get a low score and feel like I am failing again whereas really I am pitching to the wrong audience and there are lots of people out there who like my art and show support and I don’t count those but I count the people who don’t like my stuff. Failure.

Doesn’t mean I am going to stop making designs for threadless, it’s actually been an education to do them. I stretch my skills at graphic art and sometimes the best way to really see a design objectively and see how I could push it further or bring it closer to what I had in mind is to put it out there in front of people. And threadless has some really wonderful artists and designers submitting designs and I learn from them too as to what is possible. I just need to stop judging myself a failure.

I suppose that’s the balance. Knowing my capabilities and skills and how best I use them and where I can improve them and then the other side of believing in what I do right now and not belittling it because it doesn’t measure up to where I think I should be or what others are doing. And also to do things for my own pleasure and practice and not to be secretly looking for approval from the audience I am showing it to.

I remember when I was younger and my mum would always make sure we knew how good we were in relation to the others we were going in against in competition. She had them all pegged and pinned into the level of their skill and value as musicians. I was never going to win, I wasn’t good enough, but sure I could try anyway if I wanted. I did want, and I wanted to prove her wrong, but you know, I always ended up proving her right. There were always lots of kids ‘better’ than me. It became a measure of my worth and still is really but now I don’t want it anymore. To see something is to own it and to own it is to be able to leave it behind. I don’t know what I would have done in her place, if a child of mine was going in for a competition that I knew she wasn’t going to win. I think I would probably say nothing at all and just wish her luck and do her best and maybe I wouldn’t put them in competitions in the first place. Its not her fault, she was just following the track she was taught and it was fun also. We did loads of choir competitions and they were fun to head off to with the class.

Maybe that’s it, I am still in competition and wanting to win and never getting the prize because the prize doesn’t really exist anymore. I am in competition with myself for elusive perfection and self approval that I never give myself because no matter what I do there is always the part I failed to do. I don’t congratulate myself for having learnt the piece and practiced and got up and played in front of everyone I judge the fact I wasn’t the best in the eyes of everyone else out there. I don’t say wow well done I have had a few exhibitions and sold work and make art that makes me happy and fulfills me I judge myself that I don’t sell more or don’t have a big gallery behind me or am not ‘well known’ in the academic art circles which in reality I don’t want to belong to anyway. I wait for the world to recognize me when I am not seeing myself.

wow, just had a thought…. maybe thats why I paint faces all the time… I need someone to see me!

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my new threadless submission…..

loudly, quietly, out of tunely, sweetly, because I like to, silly songs, happy songs, about love, sadly, in the shower, alone, with friends.

my threadless submission for a design challenge where the words have to be part of the design. x

We are in mochis, finally took the train the other direction. Its an amazing journey.

Mochis is not very pretty but shopping heaven after being in Temoris! I went fabric shopping and clothes shopping and we went to the cinema and saw the new mummy picture, which we reckoned was exactly like the other two but what a treat to go to the cinema! We got to the beach late yesterday. If we had had more time we would have headed down to Mazatlan which is beautiful and right on the ocean. Mochis is about half an hours drive away. The beaches are wonderful but for snorkling I think Mazatlan and Puerto Vallarta are better.

Today a storm rolled in and this city is definitly not built for water. We went out to do stuff and got soaked and waded through ankle deep muddy water for most of the time. Cars stalling in intersections and buses ignoring the water and charging through it at their usual speed.

I have no photos…. been sick for the last day or so, a cold. we have actually spent more time in the hotel room than anywhere else.. sleeping… I did have some photos of my new butterfly embroidery but they dissapeared. I got my camera back! and the rashes are going slowly.

Advice should I get rid of the key hole of this oh so very cute commision I am sending into threadless? I was going to submit it and then I thought the keyhole is just not necessary…

So my threadless submission didn’t get very far. I think I am not hip enough for threadless or else I am not involved enough to get comments. Oh well, not really worried. Would be nice to get a design printed though and get 2000 dollars!

So I took the design I did and made it into an embroidery. I stiched the people up seperately and stuffed them and then stiched them down onto the backround fabric so they stand out. To make the people I patchworked strips of fabric together first and then embroidered the people on top of that and then made them into the dolls ready to get stuffed.

Words in the corner, sky dancing, growing, singing, dancing…

It is good to get back on the sewing machine again. I have one more project on the go and another one sitting in my head ready to leave.

Its funny about what other people think is cool or not cool or marketability. Just read this post today from Florence Forrest. Sometimes I do work which I don’t really value until years later when I look at it and see that it is actually a good piece of art work that I just didn’t think was good enough at the time. Or I understand more about the image and why I did it. I think rather than ‘not being marketable’ I think we are just not ready to expose them. They sit until we recognise their value and recognise the value of who we were at that time. She does the coolest toys too, check them out.

I think sometimes I can get lost in needing to be professional and advance my ‘career’ and forget that the best art comes from the heart in the moment and if we loose that then we have lost our connection to ourselves. Marketability comes when it is ready. Of course actually getting out there and showing the world what you do helps also! Its a balance.

and of course to leave you with,  the usual picture of a beautiful sky!

my new threadless design. From a brief about democracy. Its in the running at the moment so you can vote for it!!!!!

I figured a worldful of happy people all dancing. That would be great, wouldn´t it?

also photos from Naica which are caves here in Chihuahua. They are huge crystal caves so far underground you need to bring oxygen with you to breathe.

I would love to go.

I have been workng the past few days and now can go back to my sewing machine. looking forward to some days just sewing. i am finishing one at the moment.

x clio

its tuesday.. reminds me of Popeyes friend.. can’t remember his name.. “i’ll gladly pay you tuesday” hey that would be a good slogan for a t-shirt. I am a bit obsessed with slogans for T-shirts at the mo.. heres one I made up

I don’t give a fork about spooning

and another

I am really a child-eating reptilian bent on galactic domination (david ike inspired that one)

The first one is getting a better response, though I would definitely wear the second one. Threadless is my new toy until I find another.

I have been messing with oil paints and changed my way of painting with them. I think I have actually gone backwards a little to when I first started painting with oils and I was messy and used the paint straight onto the canvas with swirls and lines and patterns. I got more refined in the meantime and was using layers and small brushes and the proper proportion of oil to spirits and all that and now I have come full circle back to straight from the tube onto the surface. So much fun! Here is a painting I did recently. Paul asked me to do one with lots of hands and it was easter to the two combined in my head to a spring growing picture

What else, I got some more funky mexican oil cloth and am starting to make some wee change purses with it. I have for sale on my etsy shop. 8 dollars each which is approx 5 euro. I was very pleased with myself though, I have finally conquered the dreaded zip insertion, its actually very simple, if anyone wants to know I could post about it, with pictures. I have been putting this off for years! always using some other way of closing my bags but now!!! aha! took me two tries.. you should see the first purse I made. It works but the seams are all over the place. here is the front of one of them. I love this fabric.

Ok, I have a list of things I want to accomplish today. I am going to buy knitting needles and some more zips, paint a picture, make two more purses, do some more photoshop work on a design, learn to scuba dive (I wish) and …….

x clio

good sunday everyone,

I wrote to a friend recently saying how great it was that the old symbols survive in spite of everything. Religions come and go but rabbits and the moon and birth and fertility keep getting celebrated. Easter according to one source is the old pagan goddess of fertility ‘Eostre’and easter is always celebrated on the first full moon after the spring equinox. I googled it a few days ago and came across a whole load of christian sites saying “easter is pagan” and admonishing us to quit with the fluffy bunny rabbits and eggs and concentrate on the ‘real’ meaning. As usual they don’t want anyone having fun….

What else.. Ooo.. threadless are having a sale, all their t shirts are 9 and 12 dollars. They are selling out fast and the sale is only till wednesday so get in there and have a look. I have bought about five shirts for various birthdays and a few for me (with an email to my sister telling her to choose one because the last time she ordered some I tried them all on and stole one!)(it was my birthday, she said I could… after I was wearing it and gave her the whole puppy dog treatment, pleeeeeease?) The picture above is called the battle of E5 and I got it for my brother and for Paul. The one below is for me called Victor Terrintop.

I actually sold two things from my etsy store! I was about to give up on it. Thing is I had a brainwave about three weeks ago when I realised from a feng shui perspective that I was sleeping with my feet facing the toilet so I was flushing everything I did down the drain so I moved the bed around (paul thought I was mad but helped me move the bed) and its incredible what moving furniture can do to a room. Our room is twice the size now and I love the new perspective. I makes a new room out of it and I wonder why it didn’t occur to me to do it ages ago. I am now posting things on etsy again. Thing is its an great place but there are something like 3 million people selling on etsy so advertising is necessary. You have to post things frequently so you are near the top of the search pages in there but also I need to start do some advertising myself. Have to think about that now…..

ok, off to find coffee and think, there is no coffee in the house and the cafe doesn’t open till ten. have to wait…

happy easter however you want to celebrate it! but could you imagine easter without the chocolate eggs? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Hiya, its monday morning and I am awake after really strange dreams. In one I was in a zombie film where we (the survivors) were getting ready to leave the earth. The sun had also been damaged. I wasn’t sure I wanted to go. The earth still looked so beautiful and I didn’t really want to go into the great vastness and blackness and coldness of space.

I recieved the ‘You make my day award’ from Lori at The MorningGlory Vine, a nice surprise. She also tagged me to share seven odd random facts about myself and then I got tagged by pherenike also! so seven odd random facts here we come..

(1) I once had a sixties party to be able to wear this very cool long orange paisley dress I bought in a second hand clothes shop. It was one of the coolest parties I had. Everyone turned up in sixties dress, some beatnik some hippy.

(2) I believe everything is possible (by everything I do mean everything) its just I haven’t discovered how yet. When I find out the answers I’ll let ye all know

(3) Some of my favourite books are ‘Gormenghast’ by Mervyn Peake, the Moomin family stories by Tove Jannson, ‘Winne the Pooh’ for his wonderful outlook on life, ‘Momo’ and ‘The Neverending story’ by Micheal Ende. Good science fiction and anything by Neil Gaiman (he wrote the Sandman Comics). Oh, and ‘My Family and other Animals’ by Gerald Durrell. a comic classic of his familys time living in corsica just before the second world war.

(3) My favourite colour is prussian blue, preferably in just applied oil paint. I once painted a big canvas in prussian blue in preparation for more images and I just could not paint over it. I would sit and just stare at it!

this is hard! I am stuck… ok, think cliodhna think! ah ah!

(4) I hate the way I can never think of the perfect thing to say when I need it! either when I am angry or want to say something funny or like right now trying to think of seven odd things about me. Actually it works much better in spanish for some reason, don’t understand why.

(5) I have to have my feet outside the bedclothes at night. Have to, I get claustraphobic otherwise. I even cut the bottom out of one of those tubular sleeping bags once (i sewed it up and everything so it wouldn’t fall apart.)

(6)my biggest fan is my dog, a big slobbery rotweiller. Actually both me and Paul receive sheer mindless adoration (unless of course there is food around when we are completely ignored in favour of the possessor of snacks) . There is also the cat, she is part siamese and is beautiful and she follows me round the house during the day also, but she is more contained and comfort based in her affection.

(7)I had a previous life as a musician, playing fiddle with bands. Jazz, traditional folk, rock, who ever needed a fiddle player. I decided to concentrate on my pictures. I prefer the process of painting a picture. Plus its mine, whereas with music I was always contributing to someone elses art. It was good fun though. Check this link out, its from a band I played with about fifteen years ago. We were cool, I liked playing their music. The River Babies

Ok, so now to pass the award on. I have to pass it on to seven people and I reckon I will do what Lori did and tag the people I give the award to, so seven random facts folks!

To Susanne Ils at The Bone Singer. She has beautiful pictures and a wonderful connection to the mythological and magical side of ireland

To Sheena Ludlow for her cool blog where there always something round and yummy to look at (including a story about a hamster ball )

The Irish Sally Gardens, a blog about sustainable living in ireland. Always an interesting read. Makes me want to move to my own farm!

Into the Hermitage for her stories and wonderful strange images

To a blog called ‘Snozzberries??!? Who ever heard of a snozzberry’, cause of the name and she makes me laugh

Sepia Art Studio for her art, delicate and evocative

and to Florence at Windbag and Thunder for her toys and her blog Crackle Mountain full of asian folk tales

What else this monday morning? I finished my t-shirt design

I posted it on threadless and they will contact me in a few business days to tell me its in the running. its all very exciting! I will inform ye when its up and ye can all go vote for me :)!

Ok, time to go paint for a while, I have been working on the computer for the last few days and I itch to get a paintbrush in my hand again. Happy week! make a monday wish, write it on a piece of paper and hang it from a tree till next monday… xx

I am designing a t-shirt at the moment for a site called Threadless. If you don’t know them check them out, fabulously cool t-shirts. Its an open submission site with scoring from other members and finally if your design is picked to be printed you get paid from them.

So, I got into action and have been painting for the last two days and working on the computer. Its interesting, I am only allowed use eight colours, (shades of a colour count as a colour) so its restricting but challenging at the same time. Reminded me of being in college when the tutors would give us an exercise and then a rule to go with it.

I will post the design when I am finished but there are snowflakes in it and I went searching on the web for inspiration. When I draw snowflakes they always end up looking like stars and I wanted very definite snowflake looking snowflakes. Unmistakably large soft quiet looking snowflakes.

After searching a while I ended up in a treasure trove of snowflake portraiture. (that reminds me, Paul told me the next morning he was dreaming of snowflakes but each one had a differant face!).

Wilson A. Bentley took his first photo of a snowflake in 1885, when photography was still a new developing science and he went on to take hundreds of photos of snowflakes. He was known in the local area in Vermont as the snowflake man. There is a library of some of the images at the Bentley Snow Crystal Collection

They are all beautiful and all different. Like people, maybe thats why Paul dream’t them with faces. They are like people, each one is unique..