in a galaxy, close to here or far away from here, it does not matter, a short while ago or a long while ago, this also does not matter, there is movement in the stillness, a growing and a coming forward, a stretching of life and an awareness of something new…
I have painted many women with stars over the years. This one is the painting I described here. She stands proud upon the earth but still she has her connection to the stars.
I have started painting on large paper. Good watercolour paper and masking taping the edges so when the painting is finished I still have those wonderful edges. easier to transport too.
I got quite hippied out by the stars last night. First I started looking at the constellations, Scorpio, Libra, Orion the hunter, the tiny little dipper beside that triangle that has a red star in it. I suppose I can look them up on goggle later, I think one of those two constellations are the Pleiades with the Dog Star. Then I realized with a shock I couldn’t remember the star sign after Leo, earth, ruled by mercury, like forgetting the name of an old friend.
So I meandered like this for a few minutes then I really started looking at them. The stars, like our sun but so far away, (or maybe not, I have always wondered that maybe distances in space are also the product of our mind, things are as far away as we think they are) and I got a shiver down my spine. There are so many of them and so many more we cannot see and they hold their own space. They are kind of impossible in my head, where do they come from? Points of awareness. Maybe all our search for star people is because each star holds its own life like our sun holds this earth.
We occupy this earth round our sun and it is so fragile and we are doing our best to upset the balance and in our own little lives we forget to look up at the stars and look down at the ground beneath our feet and see it for what it is; a miracle, impossible, awe inspiring. Even scientists admit there comes to a point in their splitting the atom and the quark and the whatever down further and further that they are stumped, they don’t know what makes life tick. They will never find it; it is like cutting a brain up to find a thought or cutting a word up to find the meaning.
and its ‘virgo’, I had to go look it up…
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First came the in-breath, the gasp from nothingness, the awakening the awareness of being. Nothing still was, just pure awareness and stillness, waiting for the impulse to move.
Then came first pondering; A simple ?. No words as yet just pure question, a wondering of the awareness.
Next came second pondering, an awareness of ‘self’ as something different to ‘other’. In the vastness and wideness of the beginning of the world ‘self’ looked round and thought ‘I’ and ‘you’
The vastness and wideness of the beginning of the world did not say anything back, did not look back, just was, in its awareness there was no difference between ‘I’ and ‘you’
The self began to name things; self needed some landmarks to make the vastness smaller and easier to live in. Tree (big green fluffy), grass (green soft), mother (love),
The world began to turn and the stars began to move and the self was frightened. Self asked the world “Why are you so big and all? And do not pay me any attention?”
The world did not answer.
Self asked again “Why do you not do what I say?”
The world did not answer
“You do not love me” said Self sadly
Then he heard a voice inside him “You are loved little self, you exist because you are loved, there is no difference between you and me, we are, look around you at the vastness and wideness of the beginning of the world and stop putting names on things to make it seem smaller”
“Who is speaking” cried Self
“I/You are speaking” replied the voice and suddenly Self understood, the world had begun and everything, self included, was part of it. Everything was on the journey and self was there to witness and be a traveler on the voyage. Self smiled.
The stars twinkled, “Hello stars”
The rain started to fall from the clouds “Hello clouds, hello rain”
Self looked in a puddle at the reflection “Hello Self”
I have a picture in my head waiting to be painted.
A woman standing with her feet on the earth and her head in the sky. She holds her heart in one hand and the other points to the stars. The land is flat and ochre and there are mountains in the distance. The land only comes up about a fifth of the picture and then the sky starts so my woman is standing in the sky it looks like. Her head goes all the way up the top of the paper. Her hair flows into the sky and becomes part of it. She looks out of this image with a proud expression, not an ego ‘proud’ but a sure ‘proud’ a sense of herself and her place in this world and her connection to earth and the stars. She is rooted in her own self and nothing can shake that.
Her dress is light blue with butterflies of white and yellow. Her feet are bare and around her neck is a necklace of green jade stones with a carving of the head of a jaguar carved from leopardskin jasper. The night sky swirls and moves and the stars twinkle and shine and the earth has faces that emerge from the dirt and the rocks, some eyes open some still shut but all looking upwards to the sky.
I have taken a break from constantly sketching ideas and drawing pictures to wait to see what comes in its own time. When I have an idea it comes fully formed into my head with only the details left to work out and how best to get across the original idea. It’s a new one for me; normally I am trying to have lots of ideas just in case I need them and I don´t feel good unless I have one in the process of being painted. This way is slower but I will see how it goes and what happens.
One resolution I made on my recent trip was to stop ‘doing’, to stop constantly trying and instead see what happens. Make room for opportunities to come into my life, stand still so they would know where to find me instead of constantly spinning like a top trying to get somewhere not really knowing what I was doing or where I wanted to go but doing what I thought I was supposed to be doing.
Anyone else care to comment on a picture they have in their heads?
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letting go to flow free.. open hands and let the bird fly away, no point in making wishes and then holding them so tightly they smother!
I wish for a gift of clarity
I wish for a gallery to show my work in, to have an exhibition to work towards
I wish for success for my business
I wish to write always from the heart so even if I get it wrong sometimes I have done my best
I wish for a happy life for me and Paul
I wish for a really cool old car to drive around
I wish that my puppy and my cat will get on when they meet.. I anticipate fireworks!
what do you all wish for?
We are made of love.
That’s it, full stop, actually don’t need to add anything else, though I could substitute the word ‘love’ for ‘light’ or ‘energy’ or ‘will’.
I have been in awe for a while at the sheer amazingness, unbelivability, simply incredibleness of this existence I partake in. A bit hippy and a lot happy… 
But it’s true! We are beings of light and love and held together by our own will and image of ourselves. It’s an act of power to be here in the first place and we take it for granted so much. We worry about our jobs, cars, insurance, the news, the enemy at our gates, politics and sports. We spend all our energy avoiding facing the wonderness of where we are because it is just too damn huge to take in. Or we use drugs to face it while still keeping a veil between us and it.
Stand, little humble, tiny me, without armor or protection in the great wind of existence. I exist, so I have the right to see this. I am here to learn how to be all that I am, not to make money or have children or be a famous artist, though they might happen on the learning journey, they are not the reason I am here.
I am here to learn how to see past my own folly and past the folly of others to the heart of it all. To the source, the fountain of knowledge, power, existence, inside my own being.
There is the risk that the wind will dissolve me, make me nothing and my ego goes into battle mode. How dare he say that, or how can she act that way or he is a wimp or she is ugly. Judgments… how my mind keeps control on me. Stop me from stepping into my own birthright.
My mind is small, my spirit is huge, my mind cannot see past it’s own understanding, my soul is beyond understanding. My mind wants facts, reassurances, control, my heart wants to play and dance and sing. My mind would have me die before it lets go of control, spirit is not afraid of death. The mind is frantic to discover a way of holding on, the heart is infinitely patient, it knows mind will run out of energy sooner or later.
Choose knowledge, freedom, happiness and tell the mind to take a holiday. x
Its not often anymore you can actually see the milky way. Light pollution from all our cities and towns has flooded the night sky and has obscured our view of the stars. I remember when I was little and we moved to the countryside I was really surprised that the night sky was black and not orange.
Last night driving to Temoris from the mine, away from the lights of the camp and the mine, deep in the mountains, the milky way really was as white as its name and spanned the sky in a glorious arc from one horizon to the other. We must be in the right time of year also to see it so clearly. It made my heart sing, the galaxy is unimaginably huge and the universe even bigger but we are just as much a part of it all as the brightest star in the sky.
I have often wondered about distances in space. Maybe they are just an illusion constructed in our minds, all that empty blackness between the stars, is it really there or is it going to be a big as we think it is? I had a very good argument once with a pair of very scientific minds on the nature of breaking the light speed barrier.
It’s not possible (them)
But how do you know? (I)
Because it has never been done and we have never recorded anything going the speed of light (them)
But that’s because you were measuring things with instruments constructed using the laws of physics as we know them now (I)
Its just not possible (them)
I considered briefly getting into astral projection, dreams and the nature of reality but decided to save my energy for my own explorations.
If we are light and whatever atoms are made of, bouncing round in the vibration called ‘I’ then speed of light is possible, in fact forget the speed of light and go read Jonathon Livingston Seagull for a lesson in the nature of possibility…
X
so its thursday morning (i am fairly 100% positive) and I am going to mexico city tomorrow morning with Paul for the week-end. He has never been there before, despite having lived here for two and a half years. Mexico city is a full-on place. It has everything, museums, shops, incredible art galleries, pollution, dirt, poverty but above all it has people, around 20 million of them, all packed into a circular valley, overflowing the edges with slums and shanty towns.
So to the title of this blog, I was intruduced to the Hubble site by Paul ages ago, he loves it. Its photos from the universe taken by the hubble telescope. They are incredible images. Have a look if you have never seen them before.
Kinda puts everything into perspective. Makes me think of when I am flying at night and I can see the traceries of city lights below me on the ground. They always look so beautiful and delicate and like some alien language or landing codes being sent out into the universe for all to see ‘land here! good rates on hotels, residing locals friendly and welcoming’. I can forget that down amongst those lights is a big messy mush of emotions and needs and wants and love and goodness and anger and dirt and beauty and anything you can think of. Sometimes it makes me want to hang above it all just looking at the pretty twinkling things and daydreaming vague idealisms.