cliodhna’s wave

My new years resolutions/aims/goals are

to be healthier, to eat healthier and do my yoga more often, join a gym and learn how to run. To do the next reiki level and start offering it to people and accept the changes that come into my life from taking this step forward for myself.

to keep creating my art and move forward one little step at a time, I will take the opportunities that are given me but I am going to stop pushing and pushing like I am forcing something into creation. I don’t have to make something happen, all I need to do it ask and I will be given the opportunity. Also I accept the pace I am going at right now.

I welcome abundance on all levels into my life. I live connected to my heart and the knowledge that we are all one and living and constructing this dream together. Be happy in my life with myself and with Paul. Explore life and welcome all its changes and forms.

happy new year everyone! x cliodhna

sometimes it is only later that I can look back and see why I did a picture and what it meant to me at the time. My first exhibition was full of pictures like that. Lost and lonely characters populated strange landscapes and looked helplessly out of the picture searching for something but they didn’t know what.

I didn’t know what I was looking for at the time either. I thought it was a boyfriend probably, someone to love me when I couldn’t love myself and avoided relationships. Lucy is me and the dog is me, I am running away from my own inner dog, the part the unconditionally adores me for me and will gaze in my direction with big round eyes. Dog owners know exactly what I am talking about.

Of course I didn’t realise this at the time, I just knew I was unhappy and painting the pictures and doing the embroideries was a way of getting it out in the open because my natural state was secrecy and I needed practice in being open with the world. I look back on those pictures now and there were a few I am still happy with and a few I see where they lack finish but at the time they were perfect and doing an exhibition and putting them out in the open for the public to see them was the best medicine ever.

sea blue and falling into water. Fishes sparkle around me and dart from side to side. I fall into deep water.

the sea holds all our unfulfilled dreams and wishes until we are ready to receive them

she remembers promises we made to ourselves in previous lives

when the mermaids sing then the waves dance and the sea spray casts rainbows high into the air

x clio

Its not often anymore you can actually see the milky way. Light pollution from all our cities and towns has flooded the night sky and has obscured our view of the stars. I remember when I was little and we moved to the countryside I was really surprised that the night sky was black and not orange.

Last night driving to Temoris from the mine, away from the lights of the camp and the mine, deep in the mountains, the milky way really was as white as its name and spanned the sky in a glorious arc from one horizon to the other. We must be in the right time of year also to see it so clearly. It made my heart sing, the galaxy is unimaginably huge and the universe even bigger but we are just as much a part of it all as the brightest star in the sky.

I have often wondered about distances in space. Maybe they are just an illusion constructed in our minds, all that empty blackness between the stars, is it really there or is it going to be a big as we think it is? I had a very good argument once with a pair of very scientific minds on the nature of breaking the light speed barrier.

It’s not possible (them)

But how do you know? (I)

Because it has never been done and we have never recorded anything going the speed of light (them)

But that’s because you were measuring things with instruments constructed using the laws of physics as we know them now (I)

Its just not possible (them)

I considered briefly getting into astral projection, dreams and the nature of reality but decided to save my energy for my own explorations.

If we are light and whatever atoms are made of, bouncing round in the vibration called ‘I’ then speed of light is possible, in fact forget the speed of light and go read Jonathon Livingston Seagull for a lesson in the nature of possibility…

X

this picture is about the judge that lives in us. I find him very strong sometimes. The guilt that tells us we have done a bad thing, the voice that says we shouldn’t have fun, should be more successful, more happy, more creative, more talented, more whatever. It is also the voice which judges other people too. We judge outside of ourselves so we don’t have to face our own perceived shortcomings. The judge in the picture is not touching the ground because he is not connected with the earth but lives entirely in the mind.
There is healing going on here too though, my higher self sees the judge giving out to the small child and is sending healing energy.
Down with the judge! We are all perfect just the way we are…

The next picture is tears. I find I go straight to tears whenI am doing emotional work. Part of it is buried anxiety or hidden fears or old sadnesses that I haven’t faced and which have built up and part of it is fear of letting go, the mind wants to hang onto to its control as long as it possibly can. I have actually gotten quite accepting of crying in front of people and very accepting of other people crying. I am happy to sit and be a witness, give support and just let them go through their process.

I am sitting in my parents house in Ireland writing this and it is beautiful outside. A perfect irish summer day. Sunny, calm, birds singing. I am going to have breakfast and then go for a walk in the mountains.

x clio

…and the cock crew at midnight, witching hour, space between yesterday and tomorrow, a tiny space of now.

I slept and did not hear his clarion call to the world, that caused small animals to look up in wonder and large ones to feel the pull in their bellies. I felt it in my bones though, and dreamt of tidal waves and earthquakes and great winds sweeping the earth.

In the chicken coop an egg was beginning to hatch, the chick following blind instinct to hit out at the darkness surrounding it, to crack, to break, to push outwards. Imagine! all the world this chick has ever known is about to get as big as eternity.

But then, the world is the perfect size for each of us and we should not be afraid of the spaces between the stars.

x cliodhna,

to all us little chicks pushing out and breaking out of all the world we have ever known!

So, birds are messengers between ourselves and the other world. i am sending my wish to the universe and it flies outward to bring it to the heart of all, the source. The earth supports me in this, she looks on happily sending me inspiration so I can find the exact right words I need in order to frame my wish. She holds the sun within herself and the moon  in her hand through all its phases of waxing and waning.
I have finished these and are already planning the next two. Getting to grips once more with oil paints and I am having ideas I want to try out…. such fun!

I finished the two paintings I was working on. Time to tell the story. Paul kept asking me what they were about and I would just say ‘you know, freedom’ very articulate I know but sometimes I can’t say until they are finished and I am so much better at writing this than saying them. So here it is!

I had a dream about a wee brown bird. I took this brown bird away from where it was living because I wanted to protect it. The bird was angry with me for having done this and was going to fly back to where it came from. I was really worried about it because I figured it was too small to do this safely but then I looked and the brown bird had turned into a young man with a backpack on his back and I realised he could do it if he wanted.

The moral of the story? wee brown birds are perfectly capable of looking after themselves

The meaning of the dream? I am that part of me that I figure can’t look after myself. I mother the bird, trying to protect it and it gets angry with me for not letting it live its own life. The bird/young man is that part of me that is very able to take care for itself but just looks small and fragile right now. I have to stop trying to look after it and trying to keep it by me but let it fly and go where it wants to go. Let myself go where I want to go and do what I want to do and trust myself and my wishes and heart wants in life.

I will have the other finished painting and the story behind it in a day or two..

x

I love oil paints.. have I said that before? probably a few times, I love the smell of them, they make me feel like a real artist, but also the depth of the colours you can achieve with them and the lustre of the paint and the malleability and also the fact that they take a whole heap of time to dry so I can take my time with textures and details.

Watercolours are like a zen meditation.. brush poised.. hold it… take a deep breath.. now go! and don’t stop until you finish!

Oils are more like the progression of a turtle.. ambling happily on the journey, pause, admire the flowers, ponder on significance of this, take the wrong turn, get it right, oh look we have arrived and just in time for tea!

I use washes under colours, deep blue under light blue, light blue under deep, yellow ochre under anything green so I can use a prussian blue wash to get the most incredible green.

I scratch into the paint before it dries, using the colour underneath to be the contrast.

Here is the next stage of the two paintings I am working on at the mo.