toilet training…

… is a long slow messy process. Once again I am cleaning up piss at 3 in the morning and getting all stupid and baby talky when he actually does it outside.. who’s the good little puppy wuppy!!

I am of the stick their noses in it, shout NO and throw them outside school. As he gets older a slap on the but gets added. It seemed to take ages with Cubo until he quit doing it inside. I tied him beside the bed at night to teach him to ask me if he needed to go out. They don’t like doing it in their sleeping area and he would whine until I woke up and took him outside. I have to start doing that with the puppy but I am afraid Cubo might step on him (which he does frequently and the puppy squeaks, I was joking yesterday that he is Cubo’s squeaky toy). Cubo is like an incredibly clumsy enormous older brother but the puppy has incredibly sharp teeth which he uses on poor ol Cubo. They play and either Cubo is whining or the puppy is squeaking.

His name actually means ’stick’ not ’spade’ Pala is a spade but that ends in ‘a’ so it can’t be a boys name. Well, it could but I actually thought palo meant spade. I get confused sometimes!

We have moved house, away from all the spiders and alacranes living in all the cracks of the brick work and away from the pond and the frogs to the civilisation of tarmac and a shop just a block away. I did see a big Black Widow spider living in a pile of bricks right outside the house. She can stay there.

Scorpion Charm….. catch the scorpion/alacrane in a jar or something with a piece of paper underneath. Take it outside somewhere dry (they like dry places with crawly spaces) and explain very carefully that it has to tell all its friends to stay away from the house. That they will probably get squished if they come in. Then let it go (carefully.. sometimes they get a bit pissed from being caught) step away and leave it alone. Sometimes you have to do it a few times but they get the message and stay away. This works with all insects, bugs, vertebrates, and all sized shaped wonderfully coloured creepy crawly things.

rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain

did I mention it was raining?

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life, death and all the other stuff in between

Life

I went to Teotihuacan recently for a ceremony for the death of an old shaman woman named Sarita. Her son was there and his sons and wifes and all the people she had touched during her life whether directly, through the people she had taught and healed or indirectly like me who had never met her but felt it was important to be there.

The reason why this is in the life part is that death is not a dissapearing rather a passing onto somewhere else. The reason I went is not that I was sad she was dead but to honour her life here and the teaching that she passed onto others including me. She passed it onto her son (Miguel Ruiz, he wrote the ´Four aggreements’ you might have heard of the book) who passed it onto the teacher I work with who is passing it onto me. This teaching has been around since before the aztecs, way before that and went underground when the spanish arrived here in mexico. Each generation gets it, changes it slightly and then passes it onto the next one. The essence remains the same however. Knowledge of self, stalking the self, to be in your own centre and power with your own connection to the heart. It was great to be there.

Death

I had my principals tested the other night. I have been bemoaning that fact that we kill anything we see that is slightly dangerous to us. Spiders, scorpions, snakes, wolves, bears, tigers, rats, all get squished under the heel of the human fear of death.

The other night wandering around the house with a torch to see what I could see (counting the scorpions on the wall outside, the bumbling june bugs in their season of dying, the praying mantis waving back and forth doing its best to look like an innocent twig swaying in the wind) when in the corner of the kitchen shiny black, with the ever so familar bright red hour glass shape on its belly was the classic spider of all the spiders…. the black widow. I looked at it for ages and then thought “I suppose I should kill it” The idea of going back to bed with it still in the kitchen didn´t appeal to me. I was still looking at it when it ran back under the cupboard. I went and put on boots and got the broom, checked the corners and turned the cupboard over. Got a towel and squished it. I really didn´t want to but I suppose I discovered that a black widow spider outside is one thing but a black widow spider in my kitchen was another thing entirely. I thought of catching it but to tell the truth I was kind of nervous about it, my mind was telling me about death and bites and poisin and generally creating fear. 

Just checked on the net and apperently they are not very deadly, their venom (15 times stronger than a rattlesnake) produces severe muscle cramps (very painful) for about three days and hospitals generally prescribe morphine for the pain. The anitvenom actually kills more people than the venom. Old, sick, pregnant and children are most at risk of dying. Maybe the next time I won’t be so scared and catch it instead of killing it. One of the mine workers got bitten by a Violin Spider in Chihuahua and he is still in hospital with operations on his arm. I guess its easy to be idealistic about thiese things when you grow up in a country which has no dangerous anythings what so ever…. not even ants that bite!

all the other stuff in between

the dogs got their injections and the puppy shrieked and yowled for about ten minutes. Puppies are such babies. Went to the vet the next day and got pipettes to give it by the mouth, much better.

and now go outside look up at the sky and see past the blueness of the sky and think about the fact that we are on a spaceship of green and blue and things growing and dying but always changing, in the middle of nothing sailing round a huge ball of light and warmth. We get so lost in our little fears and desires. We don´t actually have to do anything except be here and live and learn how to be happy and let it all flow until its time to go, time to leave this place and go travelling again. Thats my hippy thought for the day… man

x clio

and the rain it raineth

the rain starts at approx four o clock every day, the roads turn into muddy rivers, muddy rivers occupy any available downward trajectory. Its cold and wet and the thunder and lightning complete the picture.

All the creepy crawlies are coming into the houses to find dryness. Paul got stung by a scorpion. It fell from the ceiling onto his head. He sits up in the darrkness saying ’something just landed on my head’ and then OWW, something stung me, man that stings, $%#@#$, Light goes on and there it is, an alacrane, pale brown, bout an inch and a half long. Two of us sitting in the bed at four in the morning wondering was it the really dangerous kind or not. He was fine after an injection. He also saw a huge centipede in the sink and there are spiders everywhere…..

I finally saw a whole turtle today after days of just heads dissapearing under the water.

A swallow, who has a nest beneath the house, drinking water sitting on a wire.

A wonderfully coloured beetle. I actually thought it was a fake one until I picked it up. There also dung beetles with big horns on their foreheads a beautiful iridesant blue. as long as your thumb.

There are loads of lizards here, tiny small and so fast you rarely see them. This guy was doing a chest stuck out thing and I wondered what he was doing until I caught a glimpse of smaller brown one dissapear beneath a rock and this one after it. So I guess rainy season is courting season for the lizards.

Another picture of Cubo and the newly named Palo. Palo means spade and Cubo is bucket so I have a bucket and spade, perfect for the beach! Actually they both have the mange and I have stuff to inject them with for the next seven days. I tried to do it but the needle looked so big I chickened out. Paul can do it, he has emergency medical training, he has actually done injections in the past. I was feeling slightly guilty about giving Cubo mange by bringing the puppy home but the vet said he had it for longer than I have had the puppy. All the dogs here, or at least some of the scrawny ones that skulk around my house have it.

Rainy Season in Temoris

I am currently living in Temoris. Its in the middle of the mountains in Chihuahua and I love it. Its on the train line for the barrancas del cobre which is a huge canyon range strtching from the coast up to chihauhau city. In some places bigger and wider than the grand canyon.

Anyway its rainy season here at the moment and the land which was arid and dusty and bone dry before has suddenly sprung to life. At night the house is surrounded by fireflies and frogs creaking in the grass and crickets out making their song also. I painted a picture about it.

The nearby pond which honestly was a cracked brown piece of earth has turned into a bog pond. I went down at night to look at it and there was a frog singing beside my foot. A tiny green frog making a huge noise. I had a torch but couldn’t see him for ages because I was looking for a big thing not the tiny greenness the size of my thumbnail.

The yesterday I went out in the rain to look at the water and there are turtles in the water. I was so suprised. They must bury down deep into the mud for the rest of the year and just sleep until the water wakes them up and they emerge again. Today the purple dragonflies have arrived.

All is sunny and hot and swealtering until a rumble in the distance announces a storm is on the way. Clouds gather behind the mountain, dark and looming. Piling high with windows of sunshine coming through.

They work their way around and through the mountains, gathering behind peaks and then spilling over.

And look at this wee thing I found tied to a tree. I asked at nearby houses and they said he had been left there. Poor little squidge. They don’t look after animals very well here sometimes. I think a lot of time the poorer families are on survival for themselves and don’t have energy left over to look after dogs. Also there doesn’t seem to be any laws protecting animals or sterilization programs for strays. I found him only two days ago. He has been sleeping a lot and eating a lot and I have been bathing him to get rid of the fleas. I am worried about him today though, his nose is very hot, I hope he isn’t sick.

This is him waiting his turn at the food bowl. He will get his own bowl soon if he stays with us. He is feisty though, Cubo doesn’t know what to make of him. Two seconds after this photo was taken he pushed his way in past Cubo and growled at him! Cubo actually looked surprised and got out of the way.

I want to go back to the river beside the train station soon. I bet theres loads of water to go swimming in now!

woodland bird

On the drive through dirt roads and tall mountains covered in trees I saw a log on the side of the road which looked like a big bird. You know the way that happens. I got a feeling of a huge bird under the mountains, asleep, or singing softly. And me standing on top of the world (which is kind of what its like driving through these mountains in chihuahua). This is what emerged, the bird I saw was much darker, it being dusk and all. The green things in the ground are seeds waiting to become and the bird on the sky is waiting for the girl to walk to the sun.

Green Eyes

This is a notebook page that has followed me round for many years waiting for its time. I did paint an oil painting about it a few years ago but it didn’t quite get there. maybe I will do something with old green eyes now.

Green eyes fell in love with the sea when she wore her robe of green.
But she wore her robe of green to mate with the sky and she loved the sky and green was the colour of her deepest secrets
He saw her robe of green quite by accident and his heart opened and his eyes changed colour. One should never see the secrets of the world by accident (though surely there are no true accidents). We are driven mad by knowledge when we learn it before our time.
He has lost his heart not to the sea, but to the seas green secret embroidered robe.

attitude adjuster

I got a comment from christina on the last post about living the attitude first and its actually quite true. Try this exercise.

This is a technique used by actors to get themselves into how someone else thinks or feels about themselves. It stretches their idea of themselves and of course to use on stage when showing the character of someone. It goes with the idea of how you hold your body is how you feel emotionally and this goes both ways. Your emotions inform how you hold your body but how you hold your body informs your emotions.

I think most people are completely unaware of how they hold themselves, or maybe are aware of certain ways but don’t see how they bend their neck forward or stick their arse out or shuffle maybe. I tend to do the duck feet. I saw a picture of me from reading something on a stage recently and I had tried to stand as centered as I could but when I saw the picture I realised my feet were both sticking out to the side. Duck feet..

So when you are walking behind someone in the street, or standing behind them in a queue or see someone with an interesting body posture you try to copy it (don’t let them see you! I have nearly been caught a few times) down to how they hold every part of their body, how they walk, do they stick their heads forward or lean back. Try it and see how it makes you feel. It works, you will feel the posture. Now when you go back to own posture see how that makes you feel in comparison and if there is anyway you can relax or straighten up. Most people walk from one place in their bodies. Stressed hurried people walk from the head and shoulders. Then theres the ‘cocksure’ walk of the young male, a swagger from below the hips. Or the chest out front walk of women in high heels.

Try it and let me know if anyone gets anything interesting… x

it’s time

There is a place just the other side of what we think is reality. It shimmers and shifts and none of our rules apply.

Did you ever think about the fact that solidity is an illusion? that an atom is mostly empty space and it is only the electrical forces which hold the atom together that give us the impression of ’solid’

So back to possibility. Consider all your preconceptions of the world as the electrical force giving the illusion of solidity where as it is actually 90% empty space and we create the rest.

Sometimes I look at the world and I realise there isn’t actually ‘anything’ there. It is energy I am putting form on and time on and my wants and needs on. Sit in a place of nature where there are no people or signs of human constructions and think about time. It becomes meaningless; plants grow and die, trees shed their leaves and grow new ones, flowers emerge spread their seeds and then wither, it is an endless circle of change. It will circle forever, life surging forward. Basic scientific rule we all learn in school… energy cannot be created or destroyed.

It is only when we step in and put ‘time’ on things that we get lost in needing to put structure on outside of ourselves. We have invested huge amounts of energy into time, we must do so much, we will die and it will all be over, must achieve, must make money, not enough time, too late, too young, too old, too early, to fast, too slow, too much, too little, hours, minutes, seconds, days, months, years, decades, ancient, antique, new, old, fresh, stale, time is money, three minute pasta, 30 second meals, fast food, life expectancy, growing old, yesterday, tomorrow, five minutes ago, in an hours time, three hours long… etc, etc

We are running in circles trying desperately to keep up with ourselves.  There is no time, not as we have constructed it. We are immortal beings and time is a circle or a river we flow along and the only thing to do is relax and go with the flow. Its great when I remember this. I get lost sometimes in the ‘too old’ thoughts, or ‘not getting enough done in the day’ thoughts and it makes me worried and anxious and impatient and I feel like I am pushing against a wall or walking in a dream when I can’t seem to walk fast enough. I think about the illusion of time and I let it go and I can be happy again in the moment.

my birthday portrait

I got a text message from my brother today that my birthday portrait was up on flickr. Its strange looking at photos of myself but I really like this one. His site is at Flickr his sets are down the side. Some great ones in most interesting and some cool places in places mostly from his trip round the world a few years ago when he was laid off and given consolation prize of lots of money!

He is a really good photographer. he messes around with strange old fashioned cameras and at one stage was using coffee and lemon juice to develop the films. If you ever want portraits done give him a shout. i am constantly asking him when he is going to get an exhibition together or show his work in a cafe or a restaurant for sale. Since Mark has been born there has been nothing but baby photos and photos of mother and baby This one is one of favourites of Mark.

The colour is wonderful. Very subtle.  The next one is my sister with a double exposure. I love the way the  foliage is over her. She would prefer it without the camera around her neck.

And a cool one of a weird skyline developed with coffee..

and an amazing one of our dad looking very wise man of Aran

and I love this one

and of course the artist himself

its friday

wonderful!

nap done and I am feeling a lot more mentally together. Teaching is exhuasting. I am out of practise of how to appear like the stern teacher and I used to hate that bit anyway and also with a strange class it takes a while to get to know them. Its funny, with the discipline bit, I am not sure what my mother has in place as to what is acceptable and what is not but when someone does something thats really out of line then the rest of them freeze for a second. Then they realise I am not going to do anything and they go back to normal.. Trouble is in a classroom messing and noise escalates rather than them keeping themselves calm. They just get giddier and giddier.

Plus I am unknown territory so they have to try everything to see if they can get away with it. They started with the fake coughing round little break today until I offered to send anyone who wanted to go up to the principal to ring their mothers and tell them they were sick. That stopped that in a hurry. I think whats so tiring about it is that you can’t switch off for a second.

Schools have changed. When I was in primary it was all about sewing and art and drama and singing and projects with history and geography and maths fitted in round the sides of those. Now its all curriculum and there seems to be no time for what I would consider the important things. I ask myself why teach a young child endless facts about geography that he or she won’t remember when we should be teaching them creativity at a time when their minds are still forming and are open to new ways of thinking. Teach them the facts later when they will learn them faster. If I had a child I would definitely send them to a steiner or a waldorf school or teach them at home if I could.

Their pictures turned out great. I would take photos but the camera isn’t at home so…