fierce cat

There was a cat in my swimming pool a while ago, trapped for the night until the next morning when I went to investigate the mewling. It was only a kitten but when I tried to catch it it was fierce and hissed and spat at me and its fur was on end. I was impressed by it, it was so small yet willing to defend itself to the death. When I did catch it with my cardigan over it it got loose and bit me hard on the thumb, teeth going through nail and all, a mighty crunch from a small fierce thing.

I remember ages ago a dream I had when I had to choose between two kittens and one was soft a cuddly and domesticated and the other was smoke grey and spitting at me furiously. I knew I should probably pick the nice kitten so i would have a cat I could have sitting on my lap but a part of me really wanted the other one, the wild untamed one, the one who would walk by its lonesome like in the Rudyard Kipling story. (maybe I will post it).

So when this cat bit me I have blood trapped under my finger nail and it is growing out slowly. I thought that maybe its a sign that I have until the blood grows out to learn the lesson of the fierce kitten in the swimming pool. Where did my fierce independance go? my willingness to fight off intruders from my space? to stand up for myself even though the other might be a lot bigger than I was? I must remember it. A courage to be different, to stand alone and be myself.

I have had discussions with the boyfriend about it too over the last while. I stop being the little girl and start getting my own life together and this threatens him and he figures I am leaving. Of course there is a fear in me that he will leave, to go and find some more obedient girlfriend who will do what he tells her and doesn’t do pesky things like soul searching and strange workshops. But you know what, the happier I am with myself the happier I am in my relationship. We are getting married next christmas so I have this feeling like if I am marrying him then I had better show him who I really am so he knows what he’s doing (hi Paul! x)

Stumble it!