My head hurts. I have had a headache for 24 hours now and following my usual pattern I will have it for 24 hours more. Pills don’t work on this type of headache, paracetamol, aspirin, dispirin; none of them have any effect. Just have to live through it and move slowly and carefully.
It is a learning experience living with pain and I have had little bouts of living with a sore back and a migraine headache every now and then but nothing big, nothing life shattering (though some of the migraines have felt that way at the time). Pain saps my energy and my enthusiasm, makes me want to be still and quiet and wait for it to go away. It makes me feel disconnected from the world and any attempt I make at creating or writing falls flat into cheerlessness and what’s the use. Particularly this type of pain, this restless ache in my head and feeling of unease in my body; of course my period is on the way too and this also shifts and turns my perception.
Other times I can feel the pain on my body as a direct link to my frustration and want to control. When my shoulder hurts really badly and nothing I can do will shift the knot of frustration and it sits there and sits there and I feel like sitting down and crying. The urge is to go faster, try harder, do more extreme yoga, pull the muscles this way and that way when they are crying out for gentleness and a little attention. It makes me want to pick a fight with Paul, be sulky and moody and blame outside of myself.
I can use the pain as a flag of attention and time needed. TLC instead of fighting forward against the current, learn patience when my hormones are shifting and I don’t feel ‘myself’- I will return to the connection with information gathered along the way. I am grateful I don’t have severe injuries or illness in my body which some people have to learn to live with, I am reminded of the strength of the human spirit and resilience when I do meet these people, if they can live with their lessons I can certainly learn from a headache.
