failure… or maybe not

On my recent trip into self-discovery/oh my, I can’t believe I have been carrying this all this time and I made a realization (No. 22356) that I have been carrying failure all my life. That I expect failure and prepare myself for it. I want success but expect failure… and guess what comes to me?

All the times when I was little and I (thought I had) failed and one of the fears about letting go the attachment to the failures was that maybe they were right. I wasn’t good enough.

Anyway, I learnt a lot from having ‘failed’ in doing what it was I wanted to do, I learnt about this attachment and I learnt that my mind was getting in the way, wanting to control and not letting go when it meets something past its comprehension. When I would be better served not knowing it wants to know and would rather keep me here in control than let me not know and be happy.

So, I remember a time a few years ago in Guanajuato when I decided I would offer Reiki. I had done Reiki level two and I figured I would face my reluctance to do it on people (in case it didn´t work, judgment, all that kinda stuff) and I would put up the posters and just go for it and see what happened. So, I put up the posters, had a space kind of organized, looking back now I think I wasn’t prepared at all. But the most amazing thing happened when I put up the posters, I was wondering about whether I was ready to give Reiki or do healing on people when it hit me that I didn’t have to worry about any of that stuff, that who-ever needed what I had to give would arrive to me and I would have exactly what they needed. It was out of my hands and the feeling was so freeing and very happy and I wandered around in a mini state of bliss for a few days.

Nobody did arrive so in one sense I failed but in another sense I was the one who got healed by making a leap of faith and putting up the posters, it didn’t matter that no-one came.

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