new favourite!

I see new artists all the time now, on etsy and outside through others blogs. Some I like, some I don’t really have a connection with, some are really sweet, some I know I like because they remind me of my style and some I look at with a critical eye and would love to give them a few tips or ideas on pushing the edge of where they are. A very few I love, because they inspire me or because they make me happy or I connect with the person who is making the art on some level or just something abstract that art critics have been trying to define for centuries. ‘Why do you like a particular piece of art and not another?’

But! very very rarely I see someone elses art and it just makes me stop. Makes me come to a halt and almost get jealous, (well, ok, leave out the almost) for a second or two. Can’t compare! I have my own paintings to paint!

this is the shop I found the other day ‘obsoleteworld‘

They make me sad and lonesome and draw me into the little worlds that are in each picture. I showed them to Paul and another artist friend later that night and we ooohed and ahhed and ‘this one is my favourite’ and ‘no, this one is I think’! Read her profile too..

Well, time to return to my personal world and keep on with the two paintings I started. I have taken pictures of them and am going to post as they progress! Happy days when my hands are covered in prussian blue and my head aches slightly from the smell of white spirit. Have to move onto linseed oil but I find if I use oil for the earlier layers of a painting it becomes to glossy and washes won’t stick. I actually know nothing about oil painting, I just love the medium and am discovering tricks as I go.

Here is the first stage of the paintings..

Sorrow/Happiness

I was doing a tarot reading with Paul last night, the osho zen tarot, I love them. They have a directness and a simplicity and a connection with here and now that I like. Anyway, I asked for me and ’sorrow’ came up and I was explaining to Paul that, for me, to really release sorrow you have to go into it and experience it and not try to run from it into control (whatever form that takes.. television, books, cigarettes, food, anger, however) and also what was I hanging onto in my life that I didn’t want to let go of, didn’t want to fully mourn and accept that it was gone. For me also tears are about the fear of letting go, the mind goes to fear and out come the tears.

I started a path about three years ago working with the toltec teachings and I don’t think I have ever cried so much and in front of people too! Its my first port of call and sometimes I hate it and try not to and other times I accept it and accept the fact that it will pass in time.

I know when I am in control because I feel a pushing in my solar plexus, a frustration, a want that cannot be satisfied, anger, a feeling of wanting to pick a fight, a need to make someone else wrong or make them little. It is my flag, this feeling, that it is time to relax, let myself fall into truth of here and now, stop trying to twist the world into my idea of how it should be and let it flower in its own time. I think I have been feeling this way recently, I have been doing so much administration, getting the past in order, setting up structures (like this blog and my shop) looking at other amazing blogs, making a web of myself on the ephemeral world that is cyberspace, that I fell into the illusion of control, I could, by much action, shape my world into happy and successful.

This is my fear, an old one, to control how others see me, to make them like me, to manipulate the world so I get what (i think) I need. The fear of really truly being exactly who I am right now because it might not be enough and the sorrow is to let go of the facade and let truth shine through. There is only truth.

The second card I got was ’sharing’, the image of a woman offering a bowl of fruits. She has so much she can give and she gives from endless abundance. This is the way past my fear, to share with the world what I have because each of us has a unique path and wisdom to give to the world and there is always enough for everyone. My mum used to say that we each born with our own packet of love and each child had his/her own.

I have been connecting with others who are on the same path as I. I got a wonderful email this morning from A Fanciful Twist (a really cool blog I discovered recently) which gave me a smile and encouragement. And of course Paul, the ever present love, with his own viewpoint on life. Sometimes we are completely in sync with each other and sometimes it’s immovable force meets unstoppable object! He got ‘the master’ card in this reading last night, but you know, I think I am going to ask him to write something from himself for that!

So, a deep breath, relax, time to put the admin in perspective and stop organising for a while. I am going to get the oil paints out this morning. I ADORE the smell of oil paints, they surround me in a cloud of magic or possibility, don’t know why but they do. Start creating and letting it flow once more. If anyone is feeling too much ‘doing’ and trying to control this morning, sit back, have a cup of tea, get a piece of paper maybe and doodle or write or hum a tune or sit under a tree or ring a friend you haven’t talked to in ages. These are the things which make us happy!

x cliodhna

Shared with Flock - The Social Web Browser
http://flock.com

Poems

maggie and milly and molly and may
by e.e. cummings

maggie and milly and molly and may
went down to the beach (to play one day)

and maggie discovered a shell that sang
so sweetly she couldn’t remember her troubles,and

milly befriended a stranded star
whose rays five languid fingers were;

and molly was chased by a horrible thing
which raced sideways while blowing bubbles:and

may came home with a smooth round stone
as small as a world and as large as alone.

For whatever we lose(like a you or a me)
it’s always ourselves we find in the sea

One of my favourite poems. I love the work of this poet and check out the flickr photo I found as an illustration to it. The link is in the title of the poem.
I have prints for sale in my etsy shop now. Also if there is a picture of mine you would like a print of from my flickr site or easier look here at my website and I can arrange it for you.

Thanks! and happy saturday!

today

I am feeling sad right now, I miss my girlfriends in ireland I think. Not that i want to be there but it would be nice to have a portal like in star trek to zip home for a few hours, have a cup of tea and a natter and then be back here in time for dinner. Mexico is so far away from Ireland sometimes.

I had a dream this morning I had a magic donkey with white curly hair who could fly. We were zipping around the place, like in google earth when you zoom in closer and fly across continents. I was wondering why it was a donkey and the word stubborn came to mind.

I am very stubborn.. I know this. It cuts both ways, I can be stubborn about something I should really just let go of but I can also be stubborn and stick my feet in the dirt when it is something I want for myself.  The trick is working out the difference.

Ok, be positive.. going to go have coffee with a friend here in Guanajuato and talk about playing some music with her and another girlfriend. Oh, and get some more prints organised. I will be sellling them on etsy when I get the paper right. Should be soon.

Thanks.. x

Shared with Flock - The Social Web Browser
http://flock.com

Hades

Hades was the king of the underworld and he stole Persephone down to his underground kingdom and tricked her into eating six pomegranate seed which meant that she would have to stay for six months underground and could return to the surface for six months. This is where winter and summer comes from. When Persephone goes underground her mother, who is the earth mother, Demeter, mourns for her lost child.

So says the myth

but… greek myths are not just myths but maps of the human pysche. I become fasinated by various ones at different times. This one, I began thinking about Persephone, queen of the underworld for six months. Does she fall in love with Hades who really loves her? does she gain some of his power? In an earlier myth she was actually the queen of death and life but as the world grew more patriarchal the myths changed and the women grew less and became secondary to the men. So she survives as an abductee without power, forced to be with Hades for six months.

I think she learns and accepts her fate, takes half of the power down below and shares the throne with Hades.

Demeter can’t accept this, her beloved daughter has grown up and has taken a position opposite hers, Demeter is life, Persephone is death. She mourns for innocent times past when there was no knowledge of death and decay and change. But there can be no life with change.

Hades, in a secret part of himself worships Persephone and can’t believe he has managed to trap this angel of light to himself. He is lost when she is gone for the six months and waits for her to come home, maybe afraid she will break the agreement and never return.

She is two.. life and death, winter and summer, free and bound, the light and winds and the underground darkness.

The first picture is Persephone looking to the light as she prepares to leave for the six months, not looking back, happy to be going up to the green and the sun. Hades looks at her leaving, he can’t follow, he is bound to the underworld.

The second picture is hades lost without her. The sad king, he has a whole kingdom and it is not enough.

Shared with Flock - The Social Web Browser
http://flock.com

cool etsy creatures

I have been wandering around the web and etsy and am coming across such strange marvels. I am particularily drawn to the wonderful range of strange creatures that are being stitched and invented by fellow etsians. Supposed to be for children but you know, I reckon would grace any bedroom or living space with their quirkyness.

Here is one by morninglori’s shop … her name is ellie

and this guy, kermit, the longlimbed sock dog, is sooooo cute, almost mournful, waiting for love, by doodlebugfinery’s

and one last one, called a snow walker by flyingstartoys’s shop, a tall elegant creature stepping his slow way across a snowy plain

for me, I continue to get my stuff together, going down to get prints today, hopefully looking at cameras, I have finished off some more embroideries and am generally getting closer to being able to put it all aside and starting on some new stuff. I have to make a plan about how many hours to spend doing business/blog/etsy things and how much time to spend creating.. wow, it makes me feel quite grown up!

the greedy giant

Once upon a time at the very beginning of the world a baby arrived on earth. No-one knew where he came from, maybe an angel brought him, but there were no other people around to ask this question anyway, he was the only one.

He was very small at first and he ate little plants and drank water from a stream and the animals brought him milk and other good things to eat. He was happy then, he played in the sun and splashed in the puddles when it rained and it was good.

He was always hungry though and as he ate he grew, and as he grew he ate more and more and he was still always hungry. He ate whole trees for breakfast, he made huge nets to catch all the fish in one lake for lunch, he caught whole herds of buffalo and mountain goats for dinner and he was still hungry and he was still growing. He got so big that he could cover miles with one step and was higher than a mountain and still he grew.

There was no end to his hunger; it was like a hole inside him that he couldn’t fill, no matter how much food he ate. When he had eaten everything there was to eat in one place he would move onto the next and start there. He lay on the ground and scooped whole forests into his mouth or he put his face into the sea and drank the water and ate all the fish that came with it. Nothing was safe from his appetite.

The time came when he had traveled the entire world and had eaten everything there was to eat. There was nothing left. He began to get very hungry, he ate rocks and earth but these didn’t fill him.

He shouted at the sun “Give me more food!” but the sun didn’t answer and this made him angry.

He shouted at the clouds “Give me more water, I am thirsty!” but the clouds didn’t answer and this made him angrier.

He pounded the earth with his fists and scraped the last little plants into his mouth but it was never enough.

He shouted to the sky “I am stuck here, and there is nothing to eat!”

Days passed and he got weaker and weaker from the lack of food. He lay on the ground and thought about his life.

“Why did I eat everything at once” he thought “I saved nothing and now I will die”

He lay there for many days, unable to move and as he lay there he got closer to death.

He opened his eyes one day and there in front of his face was a tiny blue flower. His first thought was to eat it and he stretched out his hand to take it and put it in his mouth.

He stopped and thought “This flower is too tiny and too fragile and if I eat it there will be no more. It is too tiny; it will not save me from death”

He curled his hand around it to protect it from the wind and when it rained he made sure it got water. He began to love the flower, its colour, its smallness, its bravery in such a huge world and he wondered that he had never looked at the world properly before. He cried from sadness of all that he had missed.

“I was so busy eating I never looked at what I was eating” and he remembered the yellow eyes of the goats and the silver of fish and the greenness of grass and the shade of a forest. All gone.

He closed his eyes “I deserve to die” he thought

He felt a cool hand on his face then and when he opened his eyes a beautiful figure was standing in front of him. “I am the guardian of the earth” she said and her voice was sweet and soft.

“You must hate me” said the giant

“No” said the beautiful woman “You have learned to love the earth in your last moments and I have come to give you a second chance”

“How?” asked the giant “I am dying and I need too much food to live here”

“You don’t need to be hungry anymore” she said and she took the giants hand and pulled him upwards. When he looked down he saw his body still on the ground and he was scared.

“Don’t be frightened” the woman said “you don’t need your body anymore. Will you help me guard the earth from harm and help all the living things to grow on it?”

The giant felt truly happy for the first time since he was a baby.

“Yes,” he said “but I thought I ate everything?”

“No” said the woman “You missed a lot, there are seeds in the soil and fish in the sea and animals still walk the earth, but we have much work to do”

The giant began his work and he works still protecting the small things of the earth from harm. His body became a huge mountain range and hidden in its valleys are the rarest and most precious things the giant wanted to protect.

© cliodhna quinlan

letting go

So… it is time to get the new years resolution into action! I decided this year I would try and clear as much of my past as I could. Release old ways of thinking and behaviours that don’t work any more, finish projects or definitely say good bye to projects that aren’t working. Use up the big pile of fabrics I have on the floor of my work room before I can buy new fabrics. I get more inventive when I have to improvise.

I did this once before, about four years ago when I was coming to mexico for the first time. I reckon, looking back, I was about 95% ruthless. I burnt old diaries and sketches and stories and writings that I had been hanging onto since secondary school. I went through my clothes and books and jewelry and gave away anything that I never wore or rarely wore or just some items I knew a friend would really like. It was really hard to do but I felt so light after it was all gone.

Clearing the past is not forgetting people or places or times but rather clearing any old negativity or limitation round the memory and remembering with love and acceptance. It also clears any energy blocks that are preventing me from going forward or achieving my goals.

I bought paper this morning to get started on the illustrations for the crow story and I have three nearly done embroideries waiting for borders and a skirt hanging waiting for a hem. All the new stuff can wait for a week or so while I get everything sorted.

why do I paint pictures?

I have been asking myself this question recently, why do I do art? why do I paint pictures or make things for people to buy and also the question what do I really want to say?

I think the two are intricately intertwined. I have had a realization recently about my art and my self expression as a whole. I remember about six years ago now (how time goes!) I realised that if I wanted to do what I love as a living it was going to have to pay for itself, so, without compromising my self-expression I was going to have to get out there into the world and do the business angle and sell myself. I have struggled with this, wanting to find someone to do it for me or not being ready or chaffing against the rhythm of having shows or looking for galleries and the slow growth into a recognised artist. What ever that means in my head.

I have realised recently that underlying that intention was a need for approval from the world. A seeking of validation of myself as an artist from others outside of me. Yes, there is a balance of accepting feedback and considering suggestions, but not when that need comes between me and my true self-expression. With this intention of looking for approval this part of me that needs this validation is constantly trying to edit what I say or draw to fit how it thinks it needs to be to get the desired result. This sabotages my conscious decision to make my own path. It sneaks into everything, how I price my pictures, how I plan frames and display, how I approach galleries.

This leads onto what I want to say in my art. I have come to a stop here. I have to silence that unconcious intent or change it to be able to listen to my own voice and let it flow. Not be afraid to be silent until I have something to say. My best art has come from a free flow of ideas from a sure place of calmness. The watercolours I did in madrid and the acrylics I did in mexico were I feel, looking back, the first upsurgings from my own creative well that I saw this flow and allowed it to happen. Some of them work better than others for me or say more but that doesn’t matter, in their simplicity they each say exactly what was in that moment. I learnt from that feeling of flowing and that is where I need to go to find the source.

Why do I paint? because it makes me happy, seeing what emerges, smelling the oil paint or the shine of the wet colour as I apply it, or the excitment of a new idea to start, or the satisfaction of a piece done and finished. Seeing what was once in your head now alive and part of the world, changed but still the same feeling behind it.

I am shifting this intention of needing approval and I am curious as to what is going to happen with my art. I don’t need to make beautiful things for me to feel a sense of worth in the world. I make them because I love making them and it helps me solidify and make sense of what I want to understand about myself and the world around me.

happy new 2008! x cliodhna

Read the rest of this entry »